Thanks to the reminder from a friend, this was much easier to take that it would have been.
Everything happens for a reason.

This guy. Just A friend at the beginning of the previous school year. Then so much more at the start of the summer. Now I don’t even know. At first our relationship was based off the likeness in our personalities, our shared passion for music, almost to the T (as you can imagine we grew close through this). But he had a girlfriend, on that treated him like dirt. Cheated on him with him still not knowing to this day, went behind his back to flirt with his best friend, and called him “boyfriend” to his face instead of his name. I asked him why he dated her when he deserved so much more, and he said he was content, happy even, to be with this dreadful girl. This is where it began I think. I know I would start to like him, and he liked me back, he agreed. Secretly he wished to kiss me when he sat in front or behind me in our class, fantasized only God knows what, but told no one (until this summer when he confessed everything to me). No shock. I knew we liked each other equally. So I started to question why he was still with her if he liked me so much. He told me he didn’t love her, of course even though he gave his virginity to her while she was not a virgin, but he didn’t want to hurt her, even though she hurt him constantly, of course. He said he wanted to take me to prom but he felt obligated to take her, even though they were broken up at the time (they did this often, broke up and got back together, like clockwork). He was consistently wearing me down with the false hope he fed me. Making excuses. Well, I finally got close enough to him to where he truly trusted me and I showed him exactly what he was doing, what kind of person he was dating. He broke up with her. A couple days either before or after school ended, not sure which. For good. We grew extremely close, extremely fast. Probably too fast. He always said there is a huge possibility that we would date, but right now he needed to think. Understandable. I’m a patient person. So now. He said he probably won’t want a serious long-term relationship for a while because he was off and on one for so long. And now. He realizes that I feel stronger for him than he does for me and he doesn’t want to lead me on. So I guess I’ve been waiting to see what happens. He’s had my mind in this constant spiraling in sick cycle carousel, since who knows when. He makes me feel so hopeful yet pushes me away. Time. Is it really worth my time? But I guess my main question : Should I hold on or just let go?

I wrote that last night right before he texted me. But now he answered the question for me.
“I wish they did, but my feeling don’t go beyond friendship…Try to understand every time I didn’t end our talking it was because I was hoping my feelings would grow for you. I wanted them to. I know what this does to you. I’m sorry, it’s not the first time I’ve done this. I told you I’m not as great as you thought. I have done you wrong.”

So I guess that’s it.
And that’s all it takes.